O Acaso Não Existe
“Random” does not exist

dolor3Certamente você já viu a Rainha da Mandioca, Mulher-Sapiens, em diversas situações onde a única saída minimamente compreensível seria a internação imediata num manicômio judiciário. As frases ditas por ela estão por toda a parte, sendo a do “cachorro atrás de uma criança”, talvez, a mais famosa e emblemática.
Pois bem agora, o Blog do Lessa, num furo exclusivo de reportagem, descobriu que o destrambelhamento mental da Bonequinha de Luxo tem raizes genéticas. Ex-vizinhos da sua casa, no bairro de São Pedro, em Belo Horizonte, onde Dilma “Devassa” Rousseff viveu na juventude, mantêm vivas até hoje as recordações da chamada “Casa do Piano”. Assim era chamada a casa da ex-presidente da República em exercício. A impressão dos ex-vizinhos era de que progenitora de Dilma “era, em geral, meio tan-tan”. Nota: o Blog do Lessa não pôde verificar essa condição de maneira independente.
Os relatos dão conta de que, durante o dia, a casa permanecia silenciosa. À noite, no entanto, a mãe da Rainha da Mandioca começava a tocar piano — e, segundo os testemunhos, tocava bem, especialmente peças clássicas. O problema é que ela tocava a noite inteira, perturbando o sono dos vizinhos. Daí veio o apelido “Casa do Piano”. Agora, portanto, já se tem uma pista sobre a falta de parafusos na cabeça da chefe interina da Orcrim.

You must have seen several situations where the Cassava Queen, a.k.a. Woman-Sapiens, would only have one way out: immediate admission to a state-controlled mental hospital. All the crazy sentences she has uttered are everywhere — perhaps the most famous and emblematic so far could be the one about “the dog behind the child.”
Well… now The Lessa Blog has discovered and brings the information to you, exclusively, that the “Hepburn from Hell’s” mental screw-ups may have genetic basis. Former neighbors of the home where Dilma “Devassa” Rousseff used to live as a young girl, at the Sao Pedro borough in Belo Horizonte (Minas Gerais state), remember to this day the so-called “Piano House.” That’s how the the former president in exercise’s home was called. The general impression was that Dilma’s mother “had a few screws missing.” It should be noted that The Lessa Blog has not been able to verify that fact independently.
Former neighbors report that during the day, the house was usually silent. At night, however, the Cassava Queen’s mother started to play the piano. According to witnesses, she played it very well, especially classical music. The problem was that she kept playing the whole night long, disturbing the neighbors’ sleep. That’s how the nickname “Piano House” came up. Therefore, now one can have a solid clue about the number of screws missing in Dilma’s head.

A Redenção da Maquininha de Votar
Redemption for the voting machine

Voto_impresso
Se não for assim, podemos esquecer. Vai ser fraude depois de fraude nas eleições.

Printed Vote (System of voting using an electronic machine with an external printer)
The voter… 1. Votes here; 2. Takes the printed ballot here and checks it out; 3. Folds the printed ballot and puts it here in a physical ballot box.
Note: The physical ballot box must be located in a place visible to the officials.
If this system is not adopted, we can just forget it. It’s going to be one frauded election after another.

A Promessa de Maroni
Maroni’s Promise

The guy in the video is Mr. Oscar Maroni. He owns the Bahamas Club, São Paulo’s most famous bordello. This is what he is saying:
“As soon as you see in the press that (former president) Lula has been arrested, come running to the Bahamas Club, because on that day, until midnight, all your drinks will be for free. It will be a celebration.”

 

A Brasília de Renato Riella
Renato Riella’s Brasilia

riella
HÁ SINAIS DE QUE HÉLIO DOYLE CONTINUA NO GOVERNO

Cristaliza-se nos bastidores da política brasiliense a visão de que o ex-secretário Hélio Doyle continua dando as cartas no GDF (apelidado por ele de Governo de Brasília). Um sinal explícito veio do sub-secretário de Imprensa, respeitado e experiente jornalista Ricardo Callado, que pediu demissão do governo na semana passada. No Facebook, Callado disse que estava saindo porque Hélio Doyle, mesmo demitido, continuava mandando. Ele escreveu isso assim mesmo, nesses termos, mas todo mundo fez que não viu. Nas últimas horas, circula nos porões da política o boato de que houve reunião no GDF, domingo de tarde, com a presença de Hélio Doyle, quando ele reorientou a equipe de Comunicação Social do governo para o enfrentamento com a presidente da Câmara Legislativa, Celina Leão. Consta, como boato, que haveria gravação desta reunião, mas parece que alguém tenta negociar esta fita, como costuma acontecer muito na sujeira da política brasiliense. Se tudo for mentira, vale a pena se observar melhor o GDF, que precisa mudar – mas talvez não mude nunca.
(Leia mais sobre a política brasiliense clicando aqui.)

THERE ARE SIGNS THAT HELIO DOYLE STILL IS IN THE ADMINISTRATION
It is becoming more and more clear for those who operate the brasiliense politics that former secretary Helio Doyle continues to call the shots in the GDF (acronym for Government of the Federal District; Doyle, however, nicknamed it “Brasilia Government”). An explicit sign came from the Press undersecretary: the respected, experienced journalist Ricardo Callado called it quits last week. On Facebook, Callado said the was leaving because Helio Doyle, although fired from the GDF, was still calling the shots. He wrote it like that, with those words, but everyone pretended not having seen it. More recently, rumors are circulating about an alleged meeting that occurred last Sunday afternoon with Helio Doyle present. At the time, he directed the GDF Social Communications team to fight the local assembly’s president Celina Leao. Another rumor is that there would be a recording of that meeting. It looks, though, that someone is trying to negotiate (sell) the recording, as it has become the norm in the filthy brasiliense politics. If it is all a lie, at least it’s worth observing the GDF a little more carefully because it needs to change — although this may never happen.
(Read more about Brasilia’s politics clicking here.)

Você Não Verá Isso na TV – 1
You Won’t See This on TV – 1

Essa foi a recepção que a Mulher-Sapiens, nome científico de Dilma “Devassa” Rousseff — a.k.a. Bonequinha de Luxo ou Rainha da Mandioca, teve de brasileiros nos Estados Unidos. Claro, as redes de TV aberta não mostraram, mas o Blog do Lessa está aí para preencher esse vazio para você, mantendo-o(a) bem informado(a).

This was the reception that the Woman-Sapiens, scientific name given to Dilma “Devassa”* Rousseff — a.k.a. Hepburn from Hell** or Cassava Queen***, had from Brazilians in the United States. Your TV’s regular programming didn’t show it, of course, but The Lessa Blog is here to fill in the blanks for you, so that you stay on top of what’s happening.

For those outside Brazil not knowing what the hell is going on around the country:
*She has been nicknamed “Devassa” because this is a brand of beer that matches former president Lula’s nickname (“Brahma”) discovered during the Car Wash investigations.
**Hepburn from Hell? This was because she stayed for a couple of nights at a St. Regis hotel suite in NYC for only… 11 thousand dollars a night.
***She has been nicknamed Cassava Queen (and Woman-Sapiens) for her most recent LSD-like statements in front of an audience. You can see two videos about this if you go down the blog’s timeline.

 

É apenas um caso de polícia
It’s just a police case

lavajato

Não se deixe enganar. Não há nada de “político” na Operação Lava-Jato. O caso é de polícia, sem tirar nem por. A esta altura, os três meliantes da foto acima e o resto da quadrilha deveriam estar presos.

Don’t get fooled. There is nothing “political” about the “Car Wash” operation. It is a police case, fair and square. Right now, the three criminals pictured above and the rest of the gang should be in jail.
(Headline under the O Globo photo: “It is necessary to face Car Wash politically, says Lula”)

Apesar do Medo, a Arrogância
Arrogance, even in fear

dilma_bicycle

Observe a inversão de valores: enquanto os índices de popularidade de Dilma Roussef, a Mulher-Sapiens, caem abaixo do volume morto, aumentam as preocupações com sua segurança. A segurança de que ela dispõe, no entanto, não é a mesma com a qual os brasileiros comuns podem contar. Que o diga o médico carioca morto a facadas na margem da lagoa Rodrigo de Freitas quando andava de bicicleta. O médico salvava vidas, curava pessoas. A Mulher-Sapiens, acima, dilapida o Estado, destrói o futuro de milhões de brasileiros, acaba literalmente com a vida de muita gente. Ela, no entanto, dispõe de guarda-costas para passear com sua bicicleta importada, privilégio que o médico Jaime Gold não desfrutava. E… claro, a suprema arrogância: a Mulher-Sapiens começou a andar de bicicleta ostensivamente protegida logo depois que o médico foi assassinado — mais um tapa na cara do cidadão de bem. (Foto: Charles Scholl)

Take a look at how values are inverted here: while the popularity of Dilma Roussef, the Woman-Sapiens, falls freely, the worries about her security go through the roof. The security she enjoys, however, is not the same Brazilians elsewhere can count on. The Rio de Janeiro physician who was killed a few weeks ago while riding his bike around the Rodrigo de Freitas lake is one of them. Doctor Jaime Gold saved lives, cured people. The Woman-Sapiens, above, wrecks the State, destroys the future of millions of Brazilians, literally ends the life of a lot of people. However, she has bodyguards to go riding a bicycle, a privilege others like Jaime Gold did not have.  And, of course, the supreme arrogance: with ostensible protection, the Woman-Sapiens began to ride her bicycle a couple of days after Gold’s murder — one more slap on the face of each and every citizen who works hard and pays taxes to have nothing in return but corruption. (Photo: Charles Scholl)

Pátria Educadora? Não, Pátria do Calote!
Country of Education? No, Country of Default!

peduc2

A matéria completa de Patrícia Campos Mello para a Folha de S.Paulo, relatando todo o constrangimento no exterior com mais uma mentira, pode ser lida clicando aqui neste link.

The whole story (in Brazilian Portuguese) from Patricia Campos Mello for the Folha de S.Paulo newspaper about the embarrassment caused by this lie (one more!) can be read when you click here.

PT x PT, ou… Bandido contra Bandido
PT x PT, or… criminal versus criminal

fsp2

O Blog do Lessa acrescenta que as pedaladas continuam em 2015, desafiando frontalmente a LRF.

The story above, published by Folha de S.Paulo newspaper, indicates that former president Lula da Silva, a.k.a. Brahma, personally encouraged the TCU (federal accounting office) minister in charge of analyzing Dilma Rousseff’s numbers to go on the record against the so called “pedaladas fiscais” (a term used to describe the criminal scheme set up by Dilma’s team where the payments to be disbursed by the Treasury were being actually paid by official banks, like Banco do Brasil and Caixa Economica Federal, in express violation of the Fiscal Responsibility Act). Lula’s action occurred at the same time he started to openly criticize his protegé’s administration. The Folha de S.Paulo newspaper reports that Lula told TCU minister Jose Mucio Monteiro, a close ally, he thought it was reasonable that the TCU requested additional explanation regarding the fiscal maneuvers. As described above, public banks use their own resources to make payments for the administration, which is illegal. Tha Lula-Mucio talks occurred when the minister’s vote, criticizing the delay in transfers from the Treasury to the banks, was already written. According to some reports, Lula said that this “would give the president a scare”. Mucio’s vote concluded that the fiscal maneuvers by former Finance minister Guido Mantega’s team in 2013 and 2014 caused harm to the Fiscal Responsibility Act.
The Lessa Blog adds that the illegal maneuvers have continued unabated throughout 2015, challenging the Fiscal Responsibility Act. In the next weeks, it is expected that TCU formally decides against the maneuvers, opening the door for Rousseff’s impeachment proceedings in Congress.

Os Ratos Já Abandonam o Navio…
The rats are already abandoning ship…

battisti

Dizem que os primeiros a abandonar o navio que afunda são os ratos. O rato da foto, assassino fugitivo italiano Cesare Battisti, refugiado no Brasil com o apoio expresso da organização criminosa com registro político (você sabe, os iguais se atraem e se ajudam), já percebeu que o mar não está para peixe. Com a iminente mudança de governo, uma das primeiras vítimas seria ele, enviado de volta à Itália. O que fazer? Casar-se com uma brasileira, no melhor estilo de criminosos famosos do passado, para garantir sua permanência no fazendão.

They say that when a ship is sinking, the rats are the first ones to abandon the vessel. The rat pictured above, Italian fugitive murderer Cesare Battisti, obtained asylum in Brazil fully supported by the criminal organization disguised as a political party (you know, equals attract and help themselves). Well, Mr. Battisti has already sensed that the tide is about to turn — even before the criminals currently in power. When that happens, he can become one of the first “victims”, being duly deported back to Italy to serve his long time prison sentence. What to do, then? Get married to a Brazilian, in a style set by other famous criminals of the past, to guarantee his residency in this huge farm.

Cortina de Fumaça
Smokescreen

A reação da tropa de choque brancaleone montada pela Mulher-Sapiens Dilma Rousseff, após a demolidora divulgação dos detalhes iniciais da delação premiada do empreiteiro Ricardo Pessoa, não passa de uma patética cortina de fumaça. Edinho Silva e José Eduardo Cardozo tiveram tempo para pensar no que dizer, mas não conseguiram mais do que o seguinte: disseram que Pessoa mentiu e que, por isso, pode perder os benefícios da delação premiada. Entretanto, para desespero dos petralhas, há planilhas, recibos, documentos e vídeos que comprovam o que o dono da UTC afirmou aos investigadores da Lava-Jato.

After preliminary — and demolishing — details of the plea bargain documents offered by Mr. Ricardo Pessoa have been made public, the reaction offered by the pathetic storm troopers enlisted by Dilma Rousseff, the Woman-Sapiens, is nothng short of a smokescreen. Mr. Edinho Silva (minister in charge of public affairs and himself accused of taking a lot of money in the imbroglio) and Mr. José Eduardo Cardozo (Justice minister) had a lot of time to think about what to say, but were able to come up only with the following: they said that Mr. Pessoa lied and for that reason he may lose the privileges obtained with the plea bargain. However, for the petralhas’ desperation, there are spreadsheets, receipts, documents and even videos to prove all the accusations Mr. Pessoa has delievered so far during the “Car Wash” investigation.

A Propósito…
By the way…

Minha opinião a respeito dessa confusão envolvendo Ricardo Boechat e Silas Malafaia é a seguinte:
Ricardo Boechat apelou. E se apelou… perdeu, como se diz por aí. Defendo que ele seja obrigado a fazer uma retratação formal, no mesmo horário da fatídica transmissão. O pedido de desculpas não deve ser apenas a Silas Malafaia (aliás, uma pessoa que não conheço pessoalmente e por quem não tenho a menor simpatia, especialmente por causa dos esquemas pseudo-religiosos que ele monta), mas em especial a toda a população que foi submetida à baixaria naquele momento. Quem estava sintonizando a BandNews FM – em casa, no carro, no trabalho – teve que ouvir, contra a sua vontade, uma grosseria sem tamanho.
Como profissional de comunicação, da mesma forma que eu sou, Ricardo Boechat não poderia jamais ter mandado Silas Malafaia (ou Dilma, ou Lula, ou Bolsonaro, ou Hitler, ou Obama, ou Eike Batista, ou Luana Piovani, ou Stalin) ou qualquer outra pessoa ir “procurar uma r***”. Eu me lembro bem de meus tempos de início de carreira, na TV Globo de Brasília, onde éramos instruídos a ter um comportamento sóbrio, respeitoso, a medir as palavras. Afinal, estávamos entrando na casa das pessoas sem sermos convidados. Ricardo Boechat não agiu assim. Poderia ter mandado Silas Malafaia (ou qualquer outra pessoa) “catar coquinho”, “lamber sabão”, “pentear macaco”, ou usar qualquer outra expressão que indicasse sua irritação sem, contudo, ofender milhões de ouvintes nesse processo. A meu ver, Ricardo Boechat teve um comportamento anti-profissional, e isso é profundamente lamentável.

***

This is just a condensed version of what I wrote above regarding a very unfortunate incident involving a nationally known broadcaster (Ricardo Boechat) and a nationally known “religious” preacher (Silas Malafaia). To make a long story short: During his daily early-morning radio broadcast, Mr. Boechat was commenting on religious intolerance — a serious issue that is creating more and more incidents of violence in Brazil. In the middle of his comments, he was told that Mr. Malafaia had just twitted about what he was saying. On Twitter, Mr. Malafaia assumed Mr. Boechat was talking about him (Malafaia) and accusing him of wrongdoing. Mr. Malafaia called Mr. Boechat an idiot and requested a public debate on the subject. Mr. Boeacht was exasperated over Mr. Malafaia’s remarks on Twitter and told him twice, on the air, live, in no uncertain terms, to “go looking for a c**k”.
My opinion about the incident: Mr. Boechat acted unprofessionally and did not care for his immense audience — who was forced to listen to these extremely rude remarks while being unable to do anything about it. As a professional broadcaster, Mr. Boechat had to limit his observations to the level of education and politeness required of all professionals who work in front of a microphone. I remember my first days working as an anchor for Globo TV Network, in Brasilia. I was told to act responsibly, to be polite, to use words that would not offend anyone — after all, I was getting into lots of people’s homes without invitation.
Was Mr. Boechat justified in being extremely angry with Mr. Malafaia? That is beside the point. Mr. Boechat could have manifested his extreme irritation using other words, other expressions that would not offend his listeners. The bottom line is: he could not have told Mr. Malafaia (or anyone else — from the right, left, church or whatever) to “go looking for a c**k”. I firmly believe that BandNews FM radio should force Mr. Boechat to apologize not only to Mr. Malafaia (for whom I couldn’t care less, by the way), but especially to his listeners all over Brazil. 

Pobre Joaquim Levy…
Poor Joaquim Levy…

Vamos retomar os trabalhos no Blog do Lessa com música. Esse vídeo-galhofa sobre as trapalhadas de Joaquim Levy só é menos engraçado do que as trapalhadas que ele mesmo protagoniza, tentando ajudar o desgoverno petralha de Devassa Rousseff, a amiguinha do Brahma.

We resume our work at the Lessa Blog with music. This screwy video about Joaquim Levy’s screw-ups is only less funny than Levy’s  screw-ups themselves, while trying to help Dilma “Devassa” Rousseff’s un-government. As you know, Devassa is Brahma’s closest friend…